Back again after a week of being away, almost exactly a week actually. After last week I really needed a change, I've been working my current job for so long and really need a change, I cant stay there any longer. I put in my 2 weeks notice so I'll be out of there soon enough, I've got enough savings for a while but I'd like to take some time off this summer as well. I'm hoping with that weight lifted off my shoulders I can focus on some hobbies again, I started this website back when I got covid so with some more time off I'm hoping I can get alot more done to this website, new backgrounds and improvements to the general look is my goal. As well as more blog posts and more info on my cameras and photographs. I have dozens of photos not uploaded on either my Lomography page nor this website so getting them up on both would be nice. Just need to find the time to scan them and touch them up.
That's all I've got for today, hopefully you guys see some new changes coming to the site soon, it's now a day before Halloween and I've got a party that night (Partying on a Thursday???) and I'm going as a clown, not joker or anything just a black and white clown, more like a mime i guess. It will be good to see everyone, most people from my highschool will be going. but I haven't caught up with them much since I graduated 2 years ago (besides new years and christmas parties, occasional house parties and meeting up randomly) Perks of living in a small town I guess, it's hard to lose touch with people.
Haven't updated site a lot recently, was busy all week catching up at work after being off with covid, so was getting home pretty burnt out and really couldn't be bothered doing anything on the site. Hopefully now that I've cleared all of my backlog I can upload some more stuff here and keep the site running. I don't want it to end up abandoned after less than a month.
Looking into further study, uni and that sort of thing. I cannot keep working where I am working it is killing me. I stay up late to avoid the existential dread when i lay in bed and every second of the work day is just spent watching the clock. Work assigned to me is busy, but not engaging enough that I can zone out or just smash everything out quickly, monotonous to the point of exhaustion and very trivial at the end of the day. Each day ends and I feel like nothing has been accomplished, another 8 hours gone past, some more money for my bank account but im moving nowhere.
graphic design appeals to me quite a bit, but without having fully explored it yet i really don't know how much i'll enjoy it or whether i can even make a career out of it. I'm completely lost, every day i switch from one train of thinking to another and disregard the old, i can't focus or settle on an idea for long enough to really understand it and i feel like no matter what i do i'll lose in the end. i feel like im completely losing it and have been for a few years since high school
summer is coming, weather is getting hotter and memories of high school are all coming back. i spent so many nights with friends around a campfire drinking until early, not even caring about whatever was going on outside our little bubble. school never mattered for me, i did decent on final exams and now im in the same position i would be if i did great or awful. completely lost with no bearing. none of it mattered and people close to me were tearing their hair out over it. even back then i knew it was bullshit and wouldnt help me amount to shit. because even then i didnt know what i wanted to do
whats the point of stressing over some number on your final exams when you dont know if youll be alive in 5 years time, if you dont know what that number can even do for you, least of all if you cant decide what to do in the next few months. i wasted away almost all of last year, tried uni and failed, tried some different lines of work and failed. last year i was just catching my bearings from high school and couldnt get a grip on anything. finally latched on to my current job about a year ago and it stuck, much to my dismay.
i have to get out of this place if its the last thing ill do. will add moreto camera blog in coming days. im very tired and will go to bed now.
Today and yesterday were both pretty dull. Just at home all day, can't really go out when I'm coughing all over the place. Don't want to get anyone else sick. A friend came by and visited me today and they dropped off a bottle of "Weihenstephaner" beer. The label says it is the oldest beer in the world and started being made in 1040. I don't really like beer so idrk why they thought of me when they got it but it was really nice of them. Today was warmer than the last few days, so we sat outside and shared the bottle (in two seperate glasses :p).
After they left I just lay on my bed, read a bit of Robby Kreigers biography on The Doors, which so far is pretty good. I didn't do anything on the website the past two days, been too busy being idle. Will see how I go for work tomorrow, I'm probably gonna call out for another day or two, I'm pretty sure I'm still sick so I don't want to give anybody else the virus, and I'd prefer not to go back to work anyway. As I said, too busy being idle. I did some small changes, fixed some grammatical errors I made and added a redirect for the home page to the top of this page, since it's getting kind of long and I don't want people to have to scroll all the way down if they don't want to read anymore.
I started playing Valve's new Deadlock game yesterday with a friend. I really like it, friends have tried to get me to play Overwatch and Valorant before but I don't like shooter games. This one is a lot more fun, I like playing Ivy a lot and dropping my teammates on enemies as bombs. Besides that I've started using KamTube, which is a recreation of 2006 YouTube. All the upload dates have the current date and time but 2006 instead of 2024, which is pretty funny.
That's all I have to report for today.
Feeling fine still, besides being pretty tired right now. Normally I'm a night owl and stay up until midnight or later but tonight I'm gonna call it early. I had something on for tomorrow which I can't do anymore because I have coronavirus. Technically I could go if I wanted but there'll be people there who I really don't want to get sick, so I'll stay home. It was really cold and windy today, there was rain all day and I mostly just added things to the Neocities website. I got a new sitemap, a page for my more professional blog posts and changed this one into what I'll call my "Personal Wall". Basically I'm just gonna use this as an online journal whenever I feel like writing something down.
I've made an email address as well for people to contact me if they want to chat, its emailholoce@gmail.com if anyone reading wanted to send me a message.
I learnt how to embed hyperlinks into gifs and photos now as well, it was really really simple lol I don't know how I didn't assume that beforehand. The website is still pretty bare, mostly just coloured text and gifs still. I like the way that the sitemap and the blog sites are looking, and I hope I can get the rest of the site looking more polished and a bit nicer.
Asides from stuff I did on the website there's nothing else to report :p ... I just stayed inside all day, couldn't go for a walk or anything since it was so rainy, and I'm sick anyway so I wanna get better quickly. It was nice having another sick day off work though, I'll probably be back on Monday or Tuesday at the very latest. This is like my third time having coronavirus so I'm feeling fine.
Today I spent the day at home, woke up with very little sleep (went to bed around 3) and felt pretty bad. I did a test and apparently have coronavirus. Work won't let me go in and I don't really want to anyway so I called and let them know. I guess that's a positive since I was complaining so much about it yesterday. Feeling pretty fine now but the cold is getting to me a bit. Normally I love the cold, especially when I'm going to bed but today I can't stand it.
I realised earlier that this blog is more like a personal diary or journal. I don't really know what to write about besides my personal experiences through the day, if something does come up then I'll write more on that, or maybe I will section the website into a Blog page for more carefully written posts and a Journal page for these sort of posts. Today I got a lot done on the website since I was home all day and the weather was terrible. I added new pages for my photography stuff and just made some things look a bit nicer. I'm pretty happy with how it's going so far :)
Listening to The Cure as I write this, I've got an idea for an ipod sort of thing on my homepage which plays a song while you're on the page, maybe an imbedded youtube video or mp4 behind a picture of an ipod on the screen. The basic HTML I've been doing is pretty easy, theres a lot of resources online so I can find anything I need pretty quickly. I really love the look of the SugarForBains page, maybe one day I'll get this one looking similar.
That's really all I have for today, didn't do anything else exciting, I hope anyone reading enjoy's the new updates to my page
First update on my wip website today, trying to get a new page dedicated to my personal blog posts. If you're seeing this then hopefully you were redirected from my main page and I worked it all out. It's around midnight right now and I need to go to work in the morning so idk how much time I'll have to work on this. Got the title, header and background working so hopefully it shouldn't be too hard for me.
I've been thinking about the direction of my life recently. I've been in my current job for close to a year now and am really unsure of what to do from here. I try to like it but I feel like theres something seriously wrong with me. I flip-flop between hating how my life is currently looking, hating my job and feeling resentful to the work and to a degree my managers, and then back to feeling fine. Today was a good day and work went by quickly, none of those thoughts.
It was the first real day of Spring today, no clouds and the sun was warm on my skin. All the tree's have grown their leaves back from winter and a fresh smell that I can't describe was in the air, similar to how it smells after it rains but more like the renewel of life. We had rain the past week so it really feels like it's getting ready to be summer again. I'm hoping I can get out with my friends a lot more this summer, camping is on my mind, as is long nights by the pool and plenty of music.
Listening to The Doors as I write this, it may sound strange but I can envision Jim Morrison moving his body around and dancing as the music builds up, I would've loved to see him live. Trying to motivate myself to read Robby Kriegers biography sitting on my bookshelf but I seem to get distracted by my computer as per usual :p
I've never done blog posting before so to anyone reading this I hope it isn't too unbearable. I'm kind of just putting pen to paper (errrr not really) and spitting my thoughts and feelings out there. I miss reading blog posts and visiting people personalised pages from when I was younger, so maybe I'm trying to revive that a bit in my own way, or maybe I'm just looking through rose-tinted glasses... idrk. I'm just messing around and trying different things around right now. I didn't know if the purple text was too hard to read with the starry background so for now I've left it as white. I might change it back or maybe I just need a better background lol
For some reason this page is in a different font to my homepage, idrk why that happened since I didn't change anything. Will look into it for tomorrows post, I'm getting tired and need to go to bed.
I'm thinking of linking a burner email to this website so anyone can contact me, I'll probably get a million spam messages but if even one person had something cool to talk about then idrc.